Another inbox on the “crush”
My name is Rose,currently in my final year at Kwame Nkrumah University Of science And Technology, Accra,Ghana.I’ve always heard and read a lot of stories about crush.I always looked upon them as “those stories” that just happen,until it happened to me live.I felt the suspense, the joy,the heartbreaks and the worries of a crush.The real feeling was far more deeper ,than what we read and watch.I’ve worn the shoe,and now I can be able to tell where it pinches.
Anyways, mine has been going on for 8months now, so there’s A LOT of back story, but I’ll try to sum it up the best I can. I started a new job in August last year,to support myself and met this great guy -Henry (not real name) He was like a dorky older brother at first and I’m not sure how it happened, He was the quiet type,almost an introvert but very caring to a fault.He got charm,so much so that a smile from him could disarm even the devil.but one day, suddenly something happened and by the time I realize I’m crushing over this guy, it’s too late.But he was leaving. I was training with him to take over his job. We both knew this from the start. He left about 6 months ago, but at first when he left, we talked every day at work (granted, about work things, but still…sometimes there was really no need, but we did anyways) Wow… this is harder than I thought. Basically, the last 7 months of my journal is filled with stuffs about him and things that happened, and 7 months is hard to sum up.Basically, I didn’t tell him about my feelings due to a number of reasons (including that we worked together). I wrote him a letter about a month ago and attempted to send it over facebook, but I spent so long trying to perfect it, that fb timed out as I tried to send it, so I’m not really sure if it sent it or not… there’s no message to him in my “sent items” box, but that doesn’t always mean that it didn’t send…And then our last communication, I called him about some work thing. First thing he did was complain that I’m always calling him (we kinda have this jokey, pick on one another relationship, so I knew he was joking around…because I hadn’t called him in awhile). Then, the last part of the conversation, he says “Call me”. I laugh and say “One minute you complain I call you and the next, you ask me to call you?”. He said “I know” but indicated that he was only joking but really liked hearing from me. And once again, asked me to call him. “Okay”, I said.But like a dork, I haven’t called him. Why? Because some part of me thinks that he was talking to someone else and not me… or just said it as a casual sign-off thing, like “See ya later”…. but why would he have said it twice?? Plus, I technically don’t have his number… we have a sheet with everyone’s numbers on it, but I thought it was stalkerish to take it from there… I was going to wait until we spoke again, and say that I didn’t have his number or something… I embarrassed to contact himand apologize for not calling… what if he’s totally forgotten about it? I mean, he’s not obsessing about it like I am… I’d DIE to talk to him again… I love talking to him…But I have no idea if he thinks of me as a kid sister or something… I know he cares about me, but to what extent, I have no idea. On the last day we saw each other in person, I had a bad migraine and got sick to my stomach. The nausea came on me fast and all I had time to do was wrap myself around a trash can. Fortunately he wasn’t in the room at the time, but someone told him I was sick and he came running,it remained for him to carry my migraine to his head,even more pained than I was,the sick… Anyways, I can’t stop thinking about the “Call me”.He called the office the other day and didn’t ask for me. I was crushed. I sent him a message on facebook – he was calling because he was transferring again and I figured it was a good ice-breaker, but he hasn’t answered me yet… -sigh-I have tried everything I can think of to get over this crush. I have nearly worn myself out by going out and having fun with friends. I’ve started new hobbies. Nothing works… My friends think I’m a little bit nuts… I’m sure they are tired of hearing about him… And a few times, I just resolved to cut him out of my life completely because it hurt too much, but something will happen – he’ll send a note or call and it’s just too adorable. Once, he called me at work, just to tell me that he was stupid. LOL that was the oddest phone call I’ve ever received. -sigh- I’mjust so hopeless…But after that he’d call almost everyday to ask how I am, and listen to all the blabbings I had to make up to cover up my feelings.
My worry is,he shows so much care about me,like he would his lil sis,but I can’t still tell if he was actually feeling for me,what I feel for him. Though transferred now,My everyday starts and ends with thoughts if Henry,with either a call or message from him,and still he’s not for once talked about his feelings. what should I do? I’m losing my head.
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