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I really do not know what news to expect when I wake up anymore. But at least this morning, Twitter delivered with some “news” I had been waiting quite some time for: that Barbie has a girlfriend.

Twitter: @cassismoonlight

In case you’re confused, here’s how we got here: Barbie started trending on Twitter after a photo of her with another female doll wearing “Love Wins” shirts resurfaced. And…people were pretty excited.

Twitter: @ElieNYC

Many saw the photo as an announcement of Barbie’s bisexuality.

Twitter: @LindsTMitchell

But, unfortunately, we gotta get the facts straight (lol) here: the source of the photo is actually a 2017 collaboration with fashion blogger Aimee Song, and appears to paint Barbie as an ally rather than a member of the LGBTQ community.

That’s right. An “ally.”

New Line Cinema

But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because if you’ve seen even a single Barbie film, you know the truth.

Like Princess and the Pauper

Twitter: @mslola1904

Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures

Twitter: @Iebsianism

Barbie Dolphin Magic

Twitter: @Iebsianism

Barbie: Mermaidia

Twitter: @deerpana

…but most sapphic of all, of course, is the legendary piece of queer cinema Barbie and the Diamond Castle.

In the movie, Alexa and Lianna are “besties” who live together in a tiny cottage, sleeping IN THE SAME ROOM. They spend their days tending their beautiful garden and singing to each other about their “connection.”

Universal Studios Home Entertainment

Listen, this is a sapphic fantasy and you know it.

If “Two Voices, One Song” isn’t talking about a relationship, then I no longer know what a relationship is.

Universal Studios Home Entertainment

Those loving looks…


Universal Studios Home Entertainment

First of all, kissing in Barbie movies is super rare. They certainly don’t kiss their “boyfriends” in this one. And secondly, whatever, they meet a couple of attractive brunette boys. Do they LIVE with those boys?!? Do they sleep in the same room with those boys? Do they even sing love songs with those boys? NO! Listen, it’s 2021. We don’t have time or energy for heteronormative assumptions! They also return to their garden at the end without the boys, riding away in a diamond carriage.

I mean, just WATCH this scene. I don’t sing love ballads with my besties.

Universal Studios Home Entertainment

BuT wHaT aBoUt KeN?!? I hear you cry.

Listen, we don’t need to worry about Ken. Ken’s fine. It is time for Ken to follow Barbie’s lead and live his best life.

In conclusion…we knew all along.

Twitter: @funkyjums

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