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Sex education often comes up short, so it’s no surprise that as youths we craft some interesting theories about s-e-x.

Kate McKinnon poking finger into clenched hand


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Recently, Redditor u/jjgp1112 asked, “What were weird myths you thought about sex as a kid?” and got a whole big load of responses. Here are some of the best:

1.

“Sex was getting naked in bed and rolling around in the sheets”.


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2.

“That penises inflated like balloons.”


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“Don’t ask how I learned that because I still don’t know.” — u/hermbeberm

3.

“That since I have only one sibling, my parents only did it two times.”


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u/RekNepZ

4.

“I thought kissing on the lips made babies.”


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“And apparently so did a lot of other people.” — u/KrazyKracker06

5.

“Whichever parent tried harder would determine the gender of the baby.”


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6.

“Sex lasts all night. Like you go into bed and then it is happening until sunrise.”


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7.

“Masturbation was ‘playing with yourself’ so I just sort of jumbled myself around with my hands.”


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“Didn’t really work.” — u/EvidenceOfReason

8.

“Sex was taking your shirt off and laying in bed with your significant other and flexing your muscles.”


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9.

“Blowjob was literal, like they blow into it like a kazoo.”


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u/dh9690

10.

“Gay people have sex by bumping their butts together.”


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11.

“You will go blind by masturbating.”


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“Thanks to my wife for typing this.” — u/minigopher

12.

“Losing your virginity meant your penis fell off your body.”

13.

“Sex in vagina would result in a girl, up the bum would be a boy.”

14.

“I thought girls had nothing there and that to pee, a penis would come out of their butt.”


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“Didn’t know a vagina existed. Never had the talk. I thought girls had nothing there and that to pee, a penis would come out of their butt. Genuinely thought that until a friend showed me naked girls on the internet.” — u/RenewedBlade

15.

“I thought condoms were like the black censor bars on TV.”


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“I wondered how a guy could fuck with that on.” — u/jjgp1112

16.

“Sex Ed would be like a sex training class where there’d be beds in the classroom.”


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“I was so terrified I wouldn’t get the boy I liked as a partner.” — u/sreyacreations

17.

“The sperm starts flowing continuously like pee.”


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“Oh, and that you actually have to push the sperm out yourself, like pee. You learn to do that when you get old enough.” — u/Odin_Allfathir

18.

“I never knew the penis went IN the vagina… I thought sex was done hot dog style.”


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19.

“That masturbating counted as sex, so if you did it under the age of 18 it was illegal and the police would come after you.”


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“You have no idea how many times I would be doing the deed under the covers and peeking out the window waiting for a SWAT team to burst in.” — u/IntrepidNectarine8

20.

“Homosexual meant you like to have sex at home.”


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“I was trying to sound cool at summer camp when I was around 12 so told everyone I was homosexual. Realized my mistake later in the summer and never talked to anyone at that camp again.” — u/AlmostAnOg

21.

“When a girl got eaten out it meant you had to put food in her vagina.”


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“And literally eat it out of her. Mmm…peanut butter.” — u/wonder_elephant

22.

“In order to get pregnant, the girl’s nipples and the guy’s nipples had to touch at once.”


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“Not sure where or when I got this idea in my mind…” — u/BigDongTheory_

23.

“Twins are a result of having sex with a pregnant woman.”


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24.

“Semen was sprayed in a cloud around a woman because that’s the way my fish did it.”


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25.

“Sex was touching butts with a girl.”


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“Accidentally touched butts with a girl when I was 7 and thought I had sex. Took me a few years to figure out.” — u/J_avenue_

26.

“Heavy petting was petting someone like you would a pet, only pressing down harder.”


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27.

“A lesbian was someone from Lebanon.”


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28.

“Oral was when you fuck someone in the ear.”


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29.

“Sex was a guy putting his dick in a girl and then falling asleep with it still in.”


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“Once they woke up, the girl might be pregnant. I thought this because I heard it referred to as ‘sleeping together’.” — u/Ninja_Coder88

30.

“Your testicles were the baby ‘seed’ and you only had two shots.”


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“Also that they had to pass through your penis… I was terrified for a while.” — u/Corbags

31.

“Sex was people getting under the covers and showing each other their private parts.”


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“Because on TV (at the time), whenever people would have sex they’d be moving oddly under a blanket. So in my head I was like, ‘Ah yes, sex, where you show your partner your no-no spot for the first time!'” — u/ghoulsmashrr

32.

“Sperm was a cord-like thing that snaked out of the penis, touched the egg, then retreated back.”


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33.

“In order to have sex, we need to get pee inside each other.”


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“I had a crush on my neighbor and my best friend said I needed to have sex with her. We didn’t know how I could pee inside someone, so brainstormed ideas until we concluded I should pee in a bottle and give it to her as an act of love. It didn’t work.” — u/H0ll0w_Kn1ght

34.

“If a man touched my belly button I’d be pregnant.”


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“I knew there was a connection somehow to the baby and the belly button.” — u/shail1973

35.

“That eating someone out involved a spoon.”


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“My friend’s older brother told me that.” — u/nelnor

36.

“That pubic hair acted like velcro.”

37.

“People would just lie together at night naked after they had danced naked.”


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38.

“That men and women had to have sex every day she was pregnant so the dad could ‘feed’ the baby.”


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39.

“I thought an orgasm was some kind of plant.”


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If you don’t want to find out the hard way that some of your sexy beliefs might be all out of whack, check out these resources.

Is there anything you thought about sex that ended up being totally off base? Let us know in the comments!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.



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