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1.

An eggplant vibrator sure to encourage you to eat your veggies.

vibrator shaped like purple eggplant


Emojibator

There are 10 vibration settings and it’s waterproof.

Get it from Emojibator for $34.

2.

A classy necklace simple enough that no one would ever think is secretly a vibrator. A step up from Tiffany’s jewelry, tbh.

long silver pendant on long chain


Amazon

The 3.75 inch pendant is USB rechargeable and has four control settings.

Promising review: “Bought this for my lady for her birthday. When she opened we were surprised by the size. It was a bit bigger then we had both anticipated. Despite the size, she wore it that night with little notice from other people. We brought it into the bedroom that night and WOW! She absolutely loved it. It warms up as you use it, its different settings are great and it lasted about 2 1/2 hours. Based on our experience, I would highly recommend this product.” —Boom4real

Get it from Amazon for $79.

3.

A charming cactus figure that’ll look sharp in your room when not in use.

ridged dildos shaped like cacti, one with an arm


LeLuv

These are 3D printed, hand-polished, non-porous, and hypoallergenic.

Get it from LeLuv on Etsy for $17.99+ (available in two styles and 20 colors).

4.

A pack of Tenga eggs so beating eggs now has a whole new meaning.

a six pack of eggs with different patterns


Amazon

The eggs comes in a plastic carton of six. Just pop open an egg and find a sleeve inside. Each egg has a different texture inside so you can try a variety of different sensations. These are disposable so you don’t have to worry about clean-up, but some reviewers say you can reuse if you’d like.

Promising review: “Bought these for my boyfriend. Each one comes with a packet of lube (and the lube is SUPERB. It does not have a strong smell, lasts for a long time without having to stop and add more, and leaves NO sticky residue afterwards like most other lube). He loved them all and can’t decide on a favorite, and they’ve ensured quite a lot of quality time. This is also the cheapest I have seen for this set compared to other sites, and it shipped very quickly.” —Lisa D

Get a pack of six from Amazon for $31.23.

5.

A pair of minimalist handcuffs that are way less clunky than the usual kind and will lead to way less Gerald’s Game situations.


Unbound

These stretchy, silicone handcuffs are great because you don’t have to worry about knots, locks, or buckles, plus they’re great for bending into different positions.

Get them from Unbound for $18 (available in two colors).


Unbound

These stretchy, silicone handcuffs are great because you don’t have to worry about knots, locks, or buckles, plus they’re great for bending into different positions.

Get them from Unbound for $18 (available in two colors).

6.

A little friend you can throw in your purse and keep on hand whenever you need to reach that big O.

small pink vibrator


Urban Outfitters

This little bullet is biodegradable: It’s crafted from a starch-based bioplastic so you can recycle it when you’re done using it. The tip can be used for both external or internal stimulation with a single speed vibration.

Get it from Urban Outfitters for $10 (available in three colors). Get a longer biodegradable vibe from Amazon for $7.99+.

7.

Cherry-shaped kegel balls for a sweet way to exercise your pelvic floor and possibly heighten sensitivity.

six pink and purple cherries in different weights


Amazon

Promising review: “Good exercise and proper diet helps maintain the best rhythm in bed, and with the help of this product — wow!!!!! These cherries are the sweetest!!!” —Mrs. Mary

Get a set of five different weights from Amazon for $21.92.

8.

A glow-in-the-dark cock ring to prove that turning the lights off during sex can be more exciting.

glow in the dark circles


LeLuv

Get it from LeLuv on Etsy for $8.99 (available in eight sizes).

9.

A thicc-ass chicken you can easily display on your shelf. No one has to know that you yank its head off so you can get off.


Emojibator

This toy is waterproof, silicone, multi-speed, and has USB charging. It vibrates, pulsates, and suctions to simulate oral sex.

Get it from Emojibator for $74.


Emojibator

This toy is waterproof, silicone, multi-speed, and has USB charging. It vibrates, pulsates, and suctions to simulate oral sex.

Get it from Emojibator for $74.

10.

A subtle gold-colored ring sure to look fab on your finger and feel fab…elsewhere.

quartz-like shaped ring


Unbound

This ring can be silver or electroplated 18k gold.

Promising review: “This is a gorgeous piece of jewelry and it also packs a powerful punch. Both myself and my husband enjoy it. I also feel a sense of empowerment when wearing it.” —D.M.

Get it from Unbound for $99 (available in sizes 5–8 and two finishes).

11.

A nice smelling candle that turns into massage oil when it melts. Love a good multi-tasker!

three candles with circular handle on the lids


Lelo

It comes with all natural ingredients with no chemical additives and a clean burning wick for safe and eco-friendly use. The massage oil is said to be non-greasy and absorbs into your skin.

Get it from Lelo for $34.90 (available in three scents).

12.

A cute vibrator that will have you singing “rubber ducky, you’re the one, you make bath time lots of fun.” 😉

classic rubber ducky


I Rub My Duckie

Promising review: “The problem with finding bathtub ‘help’ is that many vibrators are water-resistant, but not waterproof. In other words, they can be good for a shower or unexpected thunderstorm, but aren’t recommended for deep-sea diving. Enter I Rub My Duckie! Hold an actual duck underwater for long periods of time and expect a visit from the ASPCA. And eternal damnation, you sicko. But this ducky totally digs long soaks in the tub. His (or her) permanent smile says: ‘I aim to please! I like it down here, thanks!'” —Anonymous

Get it from Babeland for $37.99.

13.

A little mushroom butt plug sure to make all your cottagecore dreams come true. You can hide it in your garden and no one would be the wiser. You shouldn’t do that, because hygiene, but YOU COULD!

butt plug that looks like red capped mushroom with yellow base


instagram.com

Get it from Spectrum Boutique for $95.

14.

A UFO-shaped vibe that I want to believe will make you cum.

small rubbery ufo toy


Unbound

*X-Files music plays* This lil space toy is made with waterproof silicone and has magnetic USB charging. The harder you squeeze, the more intense the vibrations.

Get it from Unbound for $69 (lol).

15.

A little mini vibe that looks just like a tube of lipstick so no one will be the wiser if you want to keep it right on your vanity for easy access.

vibrator that looks like plastic lipstick


Lovehoney

Promising review: “This may be small but it’s powerful. There’s a lid on both ends, so buttons cannot be pressed by accident while in a bag. Easy to hold and the discreet lipstick shape gets all the right places with little effort. Easy to use during sex or foreplay as it doesn’t get in the way.” —screamingwife

Get it from Lovehoney for $16.99.

16.

A glass pepper dildo for spicing things up in the bedroom.

glass pepper dildo that curves downward at the end


Adam’s Toy Box

This 8 inch chili pepper is made with shatter resistant glass.

Get it from Adam’s Toy Box for $13.99.

17.

A silicone corn cob sure to deliver some eye-popping results. Best part? It’s heat-sensitive and changes colors!


instagram.com

Get it from Spectrum Boutique for $99.

18.

A rose quartz dildo that can just as easily be a paperweight to keep all your Goop article print-outs together.

hand holds pink quartz dildo with slight curve


VixenCrystals

Get it from VixenCrystals on Etsy for $205.81.

19.

A triple texture stroker that can double as a futuristic candle stick holder.


Spectrum Boutique

This open-ended masturbator is wider on one side and then gets tighter the deeper you go.

Get it from Spectrum Boutique for $14.


Spectrum Boutique

This open-ended masturbator is wider on one side and then gets tighter the deeper you go.

Get it from Spectrum Boutique for $14.

20.

Bellesa’s Diskeet Air, which is their most discreet model but don’t worry — it’s also their most powerful suction vibrator. Its clamshell case makes it easy to subtly travel with.

pink suction vibe with rounded handle that fits in circular case


instagram.com

Promising review: “A toy never made me moan before, but damn. I was moaning up a storm. Came in under 10 minutes. Best. Toy. Ever.” —madeline

Get it from Bellesa for $49.

21.

And we can’t forget a fleshlight, one of the original secret sex toys.

model holds flashlight with vagina inside


Amazon

Using this is sure to be an ~illuminating~ experience. The inside sleeve is made with a soft material with no phtalates. It’s easy to wash — just remove the sleeve from the flashlight case and rinse with warm water and soap.

Get it from Amazon for $69.95 (available in two sizes or a darker skin tone here).

Me looking at some of these things:


NBC

Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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banner that says text shop to 332-334-9081


BuzzFeed





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CAESAR

THERE IS A TIDE IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN..
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