“During freshman year, my boyfriend and I were getting ~down~ when he suggested we role-play as Vladimir Lenin and Anastasia. He then proceeded to recite biographical facts about Vladimir Lenin in the worst Russian accent I’ve ever heard. Weirdest 90 seconds of my life.”
“I dated a guy who was very full of himself and had nicknamed his own penis ‘Son of God.’ He used this nickname as a setup so during sex he could say: ‘Are you ready for the second cumming of the Son of God?'”
“We were having sex during this quarantine period and he stopped to say, ‘Man, what a year!’ It was so out of place and now it’s become a running joke between us.”
“He looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘You got it from your mama,’ while inside of me. He had never even met my mom. He also made whiny dog sounds the entire time and when I asked what he was doing, he said he was making the sound that dogs make when they want more affection.”
“I was having sex with this guy and right in the middle he said, ‘Are you still friends with Lisa, that tall blonde? I wanna fuck her so bad! Call her!’ Needless to say, not only did I not call her, I called ~him~ a few choice things.”
“My husband and I were getting hot and heavy and he stopped to ask, ‘How much credit card debt do you have?’ I was definitely not in the mood anymore.”
“I was hooking up with an older guy when I was 18 and he looked at me and said, ‘Those boobs are going to breastfeed some nice babies.’ I’m sorry, what?”
“One guy thought it was sexy to recite his own poetry to me during sex. It was exceptionally bad poetry too, but he was so in love with himself that he was sure he was Shakespeare reincarnated.”
“We were almost finished when he yelled, ‘Fuck! I didn’t feed the hamster!’ then finished and immediately fell asleep. He didn’t own a hamster, and he never had.”
