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Meghan Markle, aka the Duchess of Sussex.

Meghan Markle, aka the Duchess of Sussex, said that the constant attacks from the British media while pregnant left her feeling suicidal — and the royal family told her that seeking mental health help would be “bad” for the monarchy.

“I just didn’t see a solution,” she said. “I would sit up at night, and I was just, like, I don’t understand how all of [these attacks in the press] are churned out.

Meghan said she was “ashamed” to admit how she was feeling to her husband, saying “I know how much loss he’s suffered.”

“But I knew that if I didn’t say it, that I would do it,” she continued. “And I — I just didn’t — I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.”

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Meghan said that conversation with Harry happened on the same day she and Harry attended an event at Royal Albert Hall. Meghan said that there’s a photograph of her and Harry from this time that “haunts” her.

“A friend said, ‘I know you don’t look at pictures, but, oh, my god, you guys look so great,'” Meghan said. “I zoomed in, and what I saw was the truth of what that moment was.

Meghan said that earlier that day she had told Harry how she was feeling.

“You had the conversation, ‘I don’t want to be alive anymore?’” Oprah asked.

“It wasn’t even, ‘I don’t want to,’” Meghan said. “It was like, ‘These are the thoughts that I’m having the middle of the night that are very clear… and I’m scared, because this is very real. This isn’t some abstract idea. This is methodical, and this is not who I am.”

Meghan said that she and Harry couldn’t get out of the event.

“I remember him saying, “I don’t think you can go,’” she said.

“I can’t be left alone,” she recalled responding.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. You can also text TALK to 741741 for free, anonymous 24/7 crisis support in the US from the Crisis Text Line.


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